


Existence without you.

by somewhatsirius



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Depression, Multi, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Werewolves, vampire
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:46:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26218834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somewhatsirius/pseuds/somewhatsirius
Summary: "It will be like I never existed" Those words kept going over and over in my head. What he never realized was he had become my reason for existing. What happens to someone when their reason for existing has left...they crumble.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Jacob Black/Bella Swan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	Existence without you.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own these characters.

"It will be like I never existed" Those words kept going over and over in my head. What he never realized was he had become my reason for existing. What happens to someone when their reason for existing has left...they crumble, and that is exactly what happened. It had been four days since I had left my bed aside to do anything but use the restroom. There was so much pain, I felt shattered. Even when I slept it gave me no peace, the nightmares plagued my dreams. I didn't blame him of course. How would I have been able to hold his attention. I was but a child to him, a mere human. I offered him nothing but the pain from the thirst for my blood.

I groaned at the pressure issuing from my bladder "human moment time" I winced even the simplest tasks such as that reminded me of him. I dragged myself out of bed and onto my feet holding tight to the mattress till I was sure I had my footing. I slowly made my way out of my room to the bathroom and took care of my business quickly. On the way back to my room my foot caught on the shelf in the hallway sending me crashing to the ground causing me to get a rug burn on the carpeted walk. I gasped aloud the physical pain from the burn filling my brain numbing the emotional pain that had been nonstop for the past week. My eyes watered from the pain, I squeezed them shut and lay there relishing in the relief. 

It must have been some time later when I felt Charlies arms encircle me lifting me up and carrying me back to bed. After he placed me back on the bed I could feel his presence lingering. He shifted anxiously from foot to foot. “Bells,” he started…”You know you should really probably eat something,” he waited a minute for a response. Aside from the sips of water I had been drinking I had no energy to eat and no appetite so I lay there silently waiting for him to give up and go away. Charlie let out a sigh when he realized he wasn't going to get any response. This went on for two more days.

Sunday evening Charlie came up to my room bringing a new plate of food consisting of a sandwich and some chips. He eyed my untouched plate from lunch, “Bella you need to eat, please don't make me call your mom,” he begged. As much as I loved Renee I really didn’t want to speak to her, knowing she would have no filter and would probably bring up HIM. I shuddered at the thought. Groaning I slowly sat up, and Charlie placed the plate in my lap. I stared down at the unappetizing sandwich and slowly picked up the sandwich and took a small bite. I started chewing slowly as Charlie sat down on the edge of the bed. “Bells you are going to school tomorrow. I can’t just let you lay in bed and decay like this. Maybe going to school and seeing your friends will help you break free of this…”he stopped talking as I dropped the sandwich back on the plate. The energy drained from me as my stomach dropped at the thought of going back to school. ‘So many memories’ I dropped back onto the bed rolling over into the fetal position. Charlie grabbed the plate up before I sent it crashing to the ground in my descent. “I’m sorry Bella,’’ Charlie said, “But it's for your own good. This isn't healthy. If you don’t do this you will go live with your mom.”

After Charlie left my room I started to hyperventilate. How was I supposed to make it through a whole day of school. What would people say? I could imagine the pitying looks already. The girl that got dumped and left behind. I wonder if they will see me as weak. How broken I had become. I knew there would be questions: how was I supposed to face them? I grabbed my pillow and screamed into it. When I could no longer scream I dissolved into tears knowing tomorrow was going to be hell. 

The next morning Charlie dragged me out of bed around 7:00 am. I didn’t fight him. I knew if I did it would only get me sent away to my moms. I stood in the bathroom staring at myself in the mirror. My eyes had dark circles under them, and my face looked thinner. I didn’t look like myself at all. My mind wandered from there wondering how I was going to make it through the day. How was I supposed to even think about school and my friends. They probably didn’t want anything to do with me either. No one had called to ask about me; they clearly didn’t care. I started to tremble and I gripped the edge of the sink willing myself not to just fall down right there and never get up. I couldn't feel anything. He made me feel alive and now without him everything was dull. How was I ever supposed to feel anything again, he was my light. 

I stumbled back to my room after brushing my teeth for the first time in almost a week. I went to my desk to pack my bag and get ready for school. As I swung my bag up over my shoulder it knocked the scrapbooking kit that my mom got for my birthday to the ground sending the contents flying everywhere. Sighing I dropped to my knees to gather it all up, stopping suddenly as I picked up the exacto knife. My thoughts jumped back to the day I fell and bruised my knee in the hallway. The way the burn of pain took away from the emotional pain. Drowned it out and allowed me to think at least for a little bit. I got up, tossed my bag and my jacket onto my bed and pulled up my sleeve to reveal my pale white arm. I took the blade and pressed it firmly to skin on the underside of my arm just below my elbow and dragged downward, creating a clean vertical line on my arm. I repeated the motion two more times, watching in wonder as the blood welled up then pooled over each time. I nearly laughed out loud at the sensation of the pain, the relief it brought me. How it numbed the emotional pain even if it was just for a short time. I trembled maybe I would be able to make it through today after all. I ran back to the bathroom and rinsed the cuts off under the sink, gasping in awe as another wave of pain went coursing through my arm. I quickly bandaged up the cuts with the few bandages Charlie had in the cupboard making a mental note to pick up some more next time I was at the store.

I pulled my sleeve down and grabbed my jacket and bag and walked downstairs to the kitchen in a better mood then I’d been in since HE left. I greeted Charlie in the kitchen with a nod and a quiet hello grabbed a banana and walked out to my car. I took a deep breath feeling the sting of the cuts as they rubbed against my jacket as I hopped in my truck. Maybe just maybe I would make it through. One day at a time.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever Fic so please don't judge. Also I'm not some great journalist so I apologize if there is a lot of mistakes or wrong punctuation. please please tell me if you want me to keep writing!


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